I miss my baby girl, Hasna.
I’m currently trying to get custody of her but well.. her father disappeared with her.
And because he’s her father, if I just showed up on some vigilante shit, things could go really really bad.
So I’m trying to work within the current judicial constraints but it’s hard when it I’m trying to work within a system that wasn’t built for me and my babies.
It’s hard when people who could have called the authorities didn’t because they were afraid he would be brutalized in front of our daughter.
it’s hard when I keep dreaming about her but I can’t hold her.
It’s hard when there are some Muslims who would say that a drug addicted parent is better than a queer parent.
It’s hard as fuck right now and I would love to just sit on my laurels and actually rest but I find I am cocked back like a pistol..waiting to spring.
And I keep dreaming of her… of getting her back. So I continue to prepare for that day.
And brace for the counseling we’re all going to need. InshaAllah.
May Allah return my child safely to me. A friend of mine set up a gofundme for this.
I’ve been a bad girl.
I need a spanking."
I ask myself this question periodically. The answer is generally the same: there are things I love about it. I choose it. There is something calming about Al-Fatiha. There is something glorious about Surah Al-‘Ala. There is something therapeutic about sujood. And I love them and actually… there’s a lot of shit about Muslims that piss me off. Mostly, the way some will be like.. oh you wear your scarf like that?
You can’t be Muslim.
Oh you wear nail polish?
Your prayers aren’t accepted.
And I’ve just gotten to a point where I don’t give an ebolatized shit about what other people say about myyyyyyyyyyyy religion. For me, it’s the fact that the pillars of it don’t change.
3. Declare your faith
5. Hajj if you got the moneh.
Everything else is immaterial. And if you really wanna keep it one hunnit. #3 could be your starting and stopping point because you have to self-identify as a believer. Fuck every body else.
And I know I don’t sound religulous or whatever right now. But I don’t really care. Because I’ve spent x number of years worrying about what people have to say about my faith. Folx were surprised that I chose to be Muslim as a Black girl, as a girl, as an American, as a queer, after 9/11, etc etc.
I’m tired of other people’s mess, y’all. So if you have a problem with a queer Muslim in your circle, then Venn your way out, boo.
Holla salaam alaikum.
So I’m pissed but whatever. Being raised sunni, we heard about the ummah the ummah the ummah all day long. But we were seldom in community with each other. Like beyond, ‘kaif halik’. There was a time when I needed the community.. the ummah to step in and help with my kids. There were a few volunteers but .. their husbands vetoed their offers of assistance so that was that. The result: a non muslim queer woman of color took care of my kid for 6 weeks.
That was like a decade ago.
Fast forward to a time when I’m looking for my daughter whose father has decided that I’m the devil and his mom is, too. He has literally disappeared with my baby and the progressive Muslims have stepped in… along with the queers, the wiccans, and at least 1 jewess. So I cant say the ummah isn’t there because a part of it is.
The part that promotes gender equality, and rainbow safe spaces for muslims and nonmuslims alike. There is something to be said for the community of people who connect the dots from Atlanta to Ferguson to Palistine and beyond. We are all people in need and if we can help each other in these little pockets.. bringing one kid home, feeding one family, etc, then this world peace may stand a chance.
It really does start with us.
Hyper-intellectual, spiritually sexual, woman lover, womanist, lover of love.. .I could go on for days. In the end, I'm a grown woman who has finally decided to love unconditionally.
As I step back and notice what I am drawn to... I see myself loving Muslim, Queer, comedy, racial minority, woman, music, love.